Kousi athai and Copenhagen

Prologue

I intended to write only Monday morning. But sometimes I need an excuse not to talk at home. And then I go on typing.

You see, my athai (dad's sister) came this morning. Of all things on Earth I hate, an athai (or a chithappa or an onnu-vitta-mama) coming home on Saturday morning would rank no.1. Though I admit that my boyfriend starting an argument ranks no.0 (in true electronic engineer ishtyle :P). In any case, I could see my plan for a Hindi movie in the afternoon with my mom and an evening walk to the beach with dad crumble to dust!

I was still furiously chewing my nails away when she entered my brother's room (it is actually my room, shared with him, but under threat of a real beating which might eventually lead to my sad demise, I must say it is his L) from the hall.

And then the customary rain of questions- "eppadi irukka-naan nanna irukken-food ellam adjust aayidutha- naan naalu varushama velila dhaan saapadren athai-Job ellam eppadi pordu? - hmm nanna irukku konjam hectic" and so on…

[How are you- I am fine- have you got adjusted to eating the food there- ??! I've been eating outside for four years now! - how is the job- going on fine, lil hectic …]

(Someday I will write a post on the useless questions that athais always ask.)

And then suddenly…



Whatever-comes-after-the-prologue


Athai: "Enna da cheenu…. Un ponnu G8nnu edhayo TV la paarthundu irukaa? Idhu enna pudhusa? Prasanth paakaraane- F1 maadhiriya?

[What is your daughter watching on TV, Cheenu- Some G8 something?What is this new fad? Is it something similar to what Prashanth watches- F1?
]

Dad: "Ayyo (Oh no!) Kousi! G8 and F1 are entirely different!"

Athai: "Ennavo (Whatever) da… Both are on TV all day long…."

Dad: "G8 is a conference of 8 countries held … (In a desperate attempt to educate his elder sister (she works in a public sector bank, by the way and holds a 12th certificate in case u thought she isn't educated or something!), my dad pitches in with all fundae about the G8 and this year's decision on Copenhagen and global warming and everything. And since Wikipedia knows more than dads, I stop listening and instead start watching my athai. She is busy yawning, the way she always does when my dad talks sense. And I wondered for the one million forty seven thousand three hundred and fifty sixth time how my dad was born with so much sense in such an utterly funny family!)

Thaatha (Grandpa): "So you are saying that the world is getting heated up, avalo dhaane? Idhula enna pudhusu? Every summer seems hotter than the previous. Ellarukum therinja vishayam dhaan. Ippo ellam Bangaloreh* sooda irukkunnu solra."

[What is new about the world getting heated up? Everyone knows this happens. These days, even Bangalore has become hot]

(At the mention of Bangalore I silently look down and stuff my mouth with more fingernails so that nobody thinks I am listening or am in a position to answer.)

Dad: "Not only that Appa. The rate of heating is too high. At this rate, the world will be too hot to live in, in no time. And it will cause all kinds of health problems."

Thaatha: "Enna da health problems. Enga thathavellam 100 vayasu varaikum nanna dhaan irundhaar. No diet. No tablets for BP, sugar nothing. Nanna ennaila mukkina bajjiyum bondavum- visu solvaane- "dagu dagunnu nei ozhuga" kesariyum saaptunde dhaan irundaar. This climate and all some bogus I tell you. English kaaranuku vera velaye kedayadu."

[What health problems?! My grandfather and all lived till 100. No diet nothing. He used to eat bajjis dripping with oil and kesari with ghee overflowing from it. These English guys have no other work than creating unnecessary ruckus.]

Dad: "I also want to eat like him only Appa. Mudiyalaye (Am unable to)!"

Thaatha: "No no. Dinamum sandhya vandanam panna vyaadhi vekka onnum pakkathulaye varadhu I tell you.(I’m tempted to ask- Anniyanla ambi trikaala sandhya vandanam panniyum why did he get MPD? But I shut up as usual)
[If you do sandhya vandanam (a Brahmin ritual) every day, you shall never get any disease. For which I'm tempted to ask how Ambi got MPD in Anniyan even after doing the same thrice daily!]

Dad: "Illa (No) pa the solution is not all that… "

Paati (Grandma), joining: "Enna da soodu keedunnu sollindirukel? Soodunna ennai thechu kulika vendidhu dhaane!"

[What are you people talking about heat? If your body heat has increased, take oil bath!]

(This time I look down as I imagine the whole Earth taking tel maalish (oil massage) like Govinda, saying "
tanda tanda cool cool!". And the Earth, (whenever anybody says Earth, I always get a picture/cartoon of the globe in my mind, with eyes, nose, 2 hands everything) and then closing its nose with two fingers and going om-achyuthaaya-namaha-ananthaya-namaha-govindaya-…**!)

Dad: "No no no amma. We are talking about the whole Earth. The real solution is in reducing use of fossil fuels. Petrol diesel ellam kammiya use pannanum."

[We should use lesser petrol, diesel etc]

"Dei adhey dhaan da naanum solren. Nee ennnai (oil) Earthulerndu eduka eduka soodaagardunnu solra. Naan oil edukaama irunda bhoomikku kulumainnu solren! Oilnna ennnai dhaane"

[I am saying the same thing as you. You are saying that as you extract more oil, Earth is getting heated up. I am saying that as you apply more oil, the object remains cool…]

Dad: "Ammmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….",

Me: "?@#%^& @%&*?!&!@!^?&#?!"

Epilogue

My dad finally gives up. A little too late I would say. However sensible he may be, he is a little slow. Not like my paati.

I tell you…. my paati is brilliant. They should invite her to Copenhagen! :)



* In a house like mine, Bangalore is considered to be an EXTREMELY cold place. The lowest temperature in Bangalore has been around 12-15 ⁰C. Lowest ever recorded was 7 in
1884. The fact that there are sub-zero places on Earth doesn't matter since Chennai has temperatures around 30-40 and anything below 15 is VERY COLD.
**  The few easy mantras I have learnt by listening to my bro/dad do sandhya vandanam. For more details on the mantras, see here.